Last time I talked about static, and I wish I could tell you I did it — that I finally managed to tune it out. I didn’t. Thoughts are vague, my mind very foggy. But that’s ok. August was peculiar.
It pretty much felt like being on vacation, except for the guilt following me around. I kept busy by biking, and doing some yoga, and cooking more than I could eat. I did insane amounts of laundry and took up gardening (questionably). I’ve also organised my books — twice now — and spent hours at the beach or the park reading. There was a lot of Stardew Valley going on too since I recently found out you can get dinosaurs! But let’s not get into that.
It should be nice to have some time to rest, but the truth is, these days can be quite heavy. Part of me feels like I can’t enjoy them because I should be working instead. Like I’m not allowed. There’s some underlining guilt in enjoying the sun instead of being stuck in an office as I should. How fcked, right? I’m not one of those people who believe their worth lies within a good job or a promising career. Not at all. And yet, something feels wrong about taking this time. It doesn’t help that the whole job hunting process is so annoying and conflicting. Yes, I’m very passionate about financial solutions. Right. Between Myers-Briggs, cognition tests and personality checks, they make you work for it, but you often lose more than you win. You certainly waste a lot of time, but, oh well, I got plenty of that these days. I did notice something else, though: I have been remarkably offline.
When I say offline, I mean mainly off Instagram. I’m still a silent watcher on Twitter, daring to post only every now & then. But Instagram? Not so much. To be clear, I gave up on my personal Instagram long ago. But I do have a book account that I love very much. I love sharing my thoughts on the books I read and also posting small romanticised photo dumps of my best days. I still enjoy doing this, but I’m doing it less and less.
This is not a new topic, but it is a hot one. Everyone has been complaining about the algorithm for ages. Personally, I feel that Meta doesn’t really know what to do with the app anymore. That’s fine. But it kind of affects the user experience, doesn’t it? We’re all on IG for a reason, but that reason doesn’t align with Meta’s anymore. From what I can tell, this is a collective feeling that keeps people from posting as often. I mostly watch from the sidelines these days because, well, it’s simply not as fun anymore.
But it’s not just that. I also find myself growing bored of IG — not as a creator but as a consumer. Some of my close friends still post, and while it’s fun to see what they’re up to, it’s also so… boring? Every day we see the same landscapes and the same cocktails and the same books (which is a subject for another day), and for me, it’s gotten a bit dull. I find myself opening the app, handing out likes to the (very few) posts of my friends that IG lets me see, and closing it 5 minutes later. Sometimes I check the reels section for some travelling tips or cat clips, but that’s it.
I understand this might be a ‘me’ problem. Perhaps I’m just in a funk, and everyone else still loves Instagram. Or maybe it’s a Summer thing, and we’ll go back to loving it once the weather gets us all sad & blue. Or, I don’t know, I’ve been reading too much Ballard. I did come across this recently, though, and it really fits my thoughts on the matter.
As Ballard will tell you, collective ennui is dangerous. And if we’re all collectively bored with the internet (which, again, could be just me and this is all senseless), where are we headed next? I’m not sure.
I wonder if we may try to go back, though. I’ve been offline lately, but it wasn’t a conscious effort. I naturally replaced it with books and games and friends, and I honestly don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. If Instagram fades, much like Facebook did, is it possible that we just don’t replace it with the next thing? That we keep it to group chats and messaging apps that actually help us connect? Apps like YouTube seem more permanent too, because they’re slower. You create a video the same way a sculptor crafts a piece. You don’t do it every day, several times a day, as loud as possible or else the algorithm gets you. You take your time and make something you’re probably proud of. It’s still a calculated version of yourself, but it feels less superficial. And, more importantly, less tedious. So is it just me? Or are we all a bit sick of going too fast?
Books
The Waves by Virginia Woolf
This one needs no introduction. If you haven’t read it, you probably heard about it or have it on your shelf. If that’s the case, go pick it up. It is exquisite. I wrote about it on Instagram earlier this month (you can read it here), but it would take a whole thesis to make it justice. It is impeccable. Most people see Mrs Dalloway as Woolf’s tour de force. While I may agree technically, I can’t ignore that I loved this one a lot more. The Waves is stream of consciousness at its best. Woolf writes about several characters, friends, in the most intimate, elegant way. We get their minds and inner thoughts and that’s how we make sense of their lives. It is soft and heartbreaking and just gorgeous. I’m yet to read Orlando, which is also a contender for Woolf’s best, but no matter how I feel about the rest of her work, this one touched me in the deepest way.
Films
Jaws (1975) dir. Steven Spielberg
Whenever I spot a film bro on the internet, I run the other way. So obviously (and I’m not proud of this), whenever they preach about a film, I tend to ignore it. The result? I almost missed Jaws. I’ve been avoiding this film for years now, assuming there’s no way I’d like it. But this month, I tackled my watchlist (oh the joys of unemployment), and guess what? Those damn film bros were right; this is really good. Like Alien, Jaws is also centred around an enemy that unravels slowly, forcing us to use our imagination and pulling us in. You might feel like you know all about it, I know I did, but in that case, my only advice is this: take the bait. Allow yourself to jump and be surprised. It’s worth it.
bye x
You know that feeling you get when it’s Sunday and the day is ending? That’s how August feels to me. August feels like Sundays and I’m actually glad to see it go. Will September be any better? We’ll see, but I really do hope to get this boredom out of me. Unlike the French, I’m not cool enough for perpetual ennui. I would love to talk about this Instagram thing though, so feel free to write me with your thoughts on it. And, as usual, thanks for reading! xx
I've experienced the same feelings as a consumer on Instagram -- probably for the last four or five months. I'm wondering if perhaps it's not so much an Instagram thing as an age thing. We've simply been around longer, been on Instagram longer, seen more of what it has to offer. We as a species crave new experience -- our brains are wired to pick the novel from the familiar (an ancient safety thing) and to process it with some level of adrenaline and/or serotonin. Once you've been around for long enough, there's simply fewer novel experiences, and so naturally we succumb to ennui.
I know I'm certainly tired of fast-paced media and would prefer to sit down with a long think-piece or thoughtfully crafted video. But the reality is that my life and the lives of the vast majority won't allow it. Society moves so fast. We're flung from one task/event/stage-of-life to the next, and if you don't keep up people start to look at you strangely -- particularly when you're younger. Sometimes, after a long day, I appreciate the simple and repetitive Instagram posts precisely because they don't require me to think. I can tick "Interact with Instagram" off my to-do list and move on with my evening.
I'm wondering: could it be perhaps that our feelings of boredom are in fact a signal that we've grown out of Instagram? That we've matured beyond it, and are now ready for a new form of engagement with the world? As a creator I don't feel ready to stop creating, but as a consumer, more and more I crave something else.